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A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Posted by supervisor as Entertainment

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?

A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”?

A: It comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.

Q: What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?

A: At least accountants know they’re boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died.”

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, “And where do you think you’re going to find a lawyer?”

4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, “I demand one million and not a penny less.” As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, “I’m here to hook up your phone.”

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If…. You are charging someone to read these jokes.

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Phonics Lesson Plans For Your Child

Posted by supervisor as Education

A lesson plan must be created with the goal of teaching your child the 44 sounds and the 43 phonics rules of the English language and how to appropriately apply them. The question is what lesson plan will most effectively accomplish this task?

There are numerous websites available that will provide you with sample lesson plans for phonics instruction; however, in this article let’s talk about what you should look for in a strong lesson plan. With just a bit of planning, you can help teach your child to become an accomplished and confident reader.

When evaluating any lesson plan, there are several items to consider. Ask yourself these questions. Is the plan creative, interactive and supportive of the early reader’s efforts? Does the lesson plan utilize a variety of methods, such as textual, visual, audio, etc, to teach the concepts of phonics? Are there multiple opportunities in the lesson for your child to learn, practice, play and repeat what they have learned? It is through hearing and seeing the reading concepts in a variety of ways that your child will conceptualize and then utilize their newfound knowledge.

When our children were early readers, we utilized a lesson plan in which we created personalized booklets together. After we selected the letter we were going to study for the week, we cut the letter out of brightly colored card stock paper. We then made a small booklet by choosing several sheets of standard size card stock paper and stapling them together in the upper left corner. On the front page, we glued the letter for the week. Throughout the week, we looked through old magazines and selected pictures of items that started with the same letter and sound as our letter of the week. We then glued these pictures to the blank pages of our book and printed the word under the picture.. This allowed us to reinforce the recognition of the letter and the sound of the letter. By the end of the week, we often had to add extra blank pages because the children were so into the fun of searching out those pictures that matched the letter of the week. The booklet proved to be so valuable and became dog-eared from all the use.

Teaching phonics to your child only takes a commitment of time and a bit of creativity. Searching for phonics lessons plans will take some time, yes, but believe me when you hear your child begin to put sounds together and then begin to read you will realize it was time very well spent.

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Finding Networking Opportunities Is Easy

Posted by supervisor as Computer&Internet

I’m talking about referrals.

And today’s savvy business professionals know that–just as night follows day–networking leads to referral business.

Opportunities to network–to meet people for mutual support (and eventually referrals)–are everywhere. Here are just a few places to consider starting your networking efforts:

Professional Associations–Join your professional association. It’s a powerful source for richly rewarding contacts that can result in a tremendous number of referrals from people with a different specialty than yours.

If possible, join the professional association of your target market. Form those relationships. See and be seen among them and before you know it, you will be considered the “go-to” person in your industry.

Special interest groups–Whether you’re interested in sports, the Internet, politics, crafts, poetry, theater, travel, or underwater basket weaving, there are other people who share your interests. Ask around, look at your local newspaper listings or search the Internet for groups you can join.

Newcomers Clubs–If you’re new to a city and haven’t had the chance to meet many people yet, you’ll be delighted to learn that a lot of communities all over the world have clubs for people just like you.

Type your town or city and the term “newcomers club” into your favorite search engine and you’ll be able to tap into people who can help you start networking in your area.

Networking Events–Again, go to your favorite search engine. Type in your locale and the term “networking events.”

Your Local Newspaper–Review the business section of your local newspaper. Often they list upcoming events for the week in Monday’s edition. If you can’t find any networking opportunities listed there, call a business reporter and ask him or her to point you in the right direction. The call itself can be a very powerful networking moment.

Leads Groups–These are structured networking organizations usually limited to one person per occupation. The purpose is primarily to exchange business referrals, and the amount of business that comes from a well-run group can be staggering. I started and ran my own leads groups for over a decade and I know how powerful they can be in accelerating business growth.

Again, ask around for a good group in your area or search the search engines under “business networks,” “leads groups,” or “referral groups” plus your town or city’s name.

Workshops and Seminars–These can be wonderful networking opportunities, especially the ones that run over several days. Take advantage of the interactive exercises and the breaks to get to know other participants. Staying in touch after the event is over is key in deepening those relationships.

Volunteering–Do something good for others while creating lasting relationships with your volunteer colleagues. Knock people’s socks off with what you do as a volunteer and it will give people an indication of how you conduct your business. This will make you incredibly attractive to potential referral partners in the group.

Chamber of Commerce–Check out the networking opportunities that your local Chamber of Commerce offers. Also use them as a resource for finding other networking events in your community.

Parental Networking–Opportunities abound to meet people through your children. Weather you’re leading a Scout troop, chaperoning a dance, attending a soccer game, setting up carpools, or manning a booth at a bake sale, doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s pretty well impossible not to create relationships with other parents when you are surrounded by them.

The Best Place to Network–The best place to network is always where members of your target market hang out.

Bottom Line: If you want more business, you need referrals, and if you want referrals, you need to network.

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